When I was a child, coming up I always saw my father dressed impeccably. Now, we were not rich by any measure, not destitute either, but not rich at all. However, my father ever since my earliest memory was always a very well dressed man. Growing up I have memories of my father being up late to press his suits, something I never quite got the thrill of myself, yet something that always gave him a sense of pride and joy. He would never go to work with a wrinkled suit on, and he would always wear a tie.

When I was a kid, my father was into bow ties. When I got older, say fifteen or sixteen he consistently wore the regular kind. My father, a comic book geek that got me into most of my nerdery, got a particular joy not out of receiving as a gift the latest Dark Knight or Daredevil (though he enjoyed those too), rather became a collector of ties. He always got one on his birthday and on Christmas regardless of whatever else he may have wanted, though we of course made sure to express our appreciation with more than fancy fabric for your neck.

Now, for myself I gravitated towards scarves. I’m not entirely sure why scarves, though I think Blues, a.k.a. Proto Man, had quite a lot to do with it. I collected scarves, most of which I no longer have because I gave so many away to friends and strangers as a child and early teenager. However there was one thing I always knew for an unequivocal fact:

A gentleman always wears a tie.

My nephew watches my father and I like a hawk, his mind like a sponge as he absorbs everything that it means to be a man from our behavior. At times it frightens me how much he wants to be like me; I am well aware of my faults and shortcomings, as well as the painful road I had to walk to get to the me that I am today. I do not wish for him to endure any of what I have, nor do I want to be placed up on a pedestal of any kind. Yet and still, I do not shy away from my responsibilities like so many men of today; I endeavor to be the uncle and Man of God that will set the bar for him to meet and to exceed as he grows up.

My nephew has often asked my father why he wears a tie. My father always explains to him that a gentleman must wear a tie. He reminds my nephew that when we go out into the world, people are constantly judging us based upon our appearance. He explains to my nephew that we are intelligent black males who endeavor to carry ourselves in a professional, respectful, and through God a powerful way. He reminds my nephew that there are many in life who will find that threatening, yet we must endeavor not to fit inside of the box, the pre-disposed mold and ancient caricature that both society and our own race perpetuates as the norm rather than the exception.

And above all else, a gentleman always wears a tie.

Watching various older cinema classics with my nephew, he has asked me the same question. When watching Humphrey Bogart, Cab Calloway, Sammy Davis Jr., Dean Martin and Buster Keaton on stage, my nephew asks me the question,

“Uncle, why do men wear ties? Why do they all look so fancy? They look nice, but why?”

Seven years old, full of wisdom and curiosity.

“Nephew,” I begin, “in that era, men were men, and women were women.”

He’ll usually give a quizzical look and exclaim

“What the what?!”

And so I endeavor to impart wisdom and explain.

“Nephew,” I continue, “men were men, and women were women. Back in that era, back in the day, men always dressed impeccably nicely. Regardless of their social status, men endeavored to do far more than shuffle about with their jeans around their ankles. A man’s shirt, his tie, his slacks, his fedora, they were his signature. When you looked at a sharply dressed man with his tie fixed just right, you knew that you were looking at someone who took pride in their appearance, and themselves. Men were gentlemen; they were polite, spoke with a modicum of intelligence, and treated women with respect.

“And women were women. Women always dressed nicely, with a nice dress or skirt, and respected their bodies, at least in public. Women spoke with an air of nobility, and carried themselves in a manner that said ‘I am to be pursued, not to pursue’. Women did not go out of their way to make life harder on the gentlemen, good women, and men, good men, did not go out of their way to demoralize the woman. Not everyone followed the gentlemen’s code and the lady’s code to a T, but the good ones, well, they did their best.”

Now by no means am I calling for a counter cultural revolution that will see urban clothing done away with or women occupying space only in the kitchen, by no means at all. However, I am saying that there is a reason why men wear ties, and women wear dresses and skirts.

I find that I can be quite attracted to a woman in jeans, flats and a t-shirt, but there’s just something about a girl who knows how to slip into something a bit more fancy that will always turn my head. I find that if the best you can do is flounce about in tops cut so low and skirts split so high that you may as well be nude, well, you’re not even close to being on my radar. There’s a time and a place for that, and every opportunity you get when you go out is neither. Just as, men, there is a time and a place for your favorite pair of Levi Blues or Enyce Cargoes, with your Bob Marley t-shirt or Adventure Time sleeveless (speaking about myself with that last one, Finn and Jake forever!), however there is always an unexpected opportunity to prove that “old world fashion” will get you much farther in life than your credibility with your homies will.

Do I sound like an old curmudgeon railing and caterwauling on about the misguided direction of the youth of today? How old do you think that I am? Thirty? Forty? Fifty even? I get that quite often.

Twenty five. I am twenty five years old. Just turned as of a month and some change ago.

I used to wear a tie every now and again, or for interviews and exceedingly special occasions. I’m older now, and ever since high school have held positions in pawn shops, law firms, child care, church organization, and IT. I’ve begun wearing a tie every day to work, even though I’m not required to. I am harkening back to the teachings of days long past, ideals that I have held since I was a child, and I am leading my young nephew by example.

Why? The answer is very simple.

Because, a gentleman always wears a tie.